Day 118: Sleeping on the Job

I want a lot of money, like a lot of money, eh. I just don’t wanna work for it. I wish there was a job I could do sittin here, like a sleepin job or a–yeah, a sleepin job. I spend ten hour a day sleepin, I wish I could be paid for those ten hour instead of the rest of the time I’m awake, man. Just a waste of time having to work to earn money. I got only the one life. Why’s I should spend a half of it breakin rocks? Shit, even gettin paid to fuck the dog ain’t good enough. It’s my time, eh. Workin hard or hardly workin, it’s my time.

If someone could pay me to sleep? Like, fuck man. I can’t not sleep, y’know. That’s the half of my life I want to devote to sum’m I don’t care about. I don’t care about my time bein asleep. I care about that bout as much as I care about work. Just carryin on just to live, right.

So I start lookin up sleepin jobs. Not much to find, tho. Come across a few potentials, but they only want lady sleepers, to watch ’em and stuff eh. Fuckin creeps anyway. Found some research, like sleep research sorta thing, where they hook you up to brain scanners and everything and monitor your brain while you’re sleepin eh, like dreams and stuff. I figure it can’t be easy sleepin with the stickers and wires all on your head. Me, man, I can get used to anything, eh–sometimes my phone go off while I’m sleepin and I don’t hear a thing.

So I go to this lab eh, south side, and they all got white coats and everything’s white and hurts my eyes and shit. I’m just squintin, like fuck man. I sign up and even the paper’s too bright, and I sign up and they start takin me to their lab room or whatever, and they got a bed and all these screens and things like you see in hospitals eh. Here I’m gettin nervous, thinkin I won’t get to sleep, thinkin I’m wide awake and shit, could maybe use a coupla beer to settle me, and then buddy in a white coat just tells me to lie down, relax, y’know.

Thinkin now, I can’t even remember their faces. It was their coats, eh. Their coats were too bright, man. Fuckin-A blinded me. Don’t remember nothin. They paid, tho. They fuckin paid, man. So it was worth it. Only thing is, now I feel like I’m givin my time away for free when I go to sleep. Y’know? Now I know I can get paid for my sleepin time, sleepin for free seems all foolish and shit.

Tell you the truth, I haven’t slept a’tall since the test. Just need to find someone to pay me, man, y’know. Someone’ll pay. Sooner or later.



Today’s three random writing prompt categories were, “Sloth,” “No buts,” and, “Greed.”

I find I use “but” in too many of my sentences. So I endeavoured to write a story without a one. Did I succeed?

– H.


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