Day 84: Begging for Beard

Julian loaned his beards out to those in need. Beards were “in” now, but not everyone could grow one. So he grew custom, fully-organic, artisan beards on his own face, then made beard wigs out of them. It was a lucrative business. So much so, that he needed to expand.

Unfortunately, nobody he met had the proper requirements. The beard had to be thick, soft, easily-sheared, and ideally a different colour than Julian’s. Julian wouldn’t resort to dyeing his beards.

He began spending time haunting the sets of male model photoshoots, hoping to find employees. Some rugged sheep for him to shear.

One model stood out among those with five o’clock shadows or perfectly smooth chins. A model named Ben, with a fine blond beard, a man bun, and tattoos. A triple-threat, as far as today’s ideals of attraction were concerned.

It was actually Ben who spoke first.

“Nice beard,” he said.

“I grow it myself,” said Julian. “You clearly take good care of yours as well.”

“Thanks, man.”

“What products do you use in it?”

Ben was half-turned, seemingly disappointed that his comment turned into a conversation. “I make my own beard oil,” he said, eyes wandering elsewhere.

“How much?”

Ben blinked at Julian. “To make the oil?”

“No. For your beard.” Julian’s hands were extended, as though he were going to run his fingers through Ben’s beard right there.

“Christ,” Ben said, his eyes widening. He snapped his fingers at the photographer. “Get this fucking guy out of here. Get security, man.”

“It would sell,” Julian insisted. “My God, it would sell. As a beard, but even–look how soft–it would sell as a, a rug.”

“Get the fuck away from me!”

“Just let me have it. I’ll buy it. A rug of fine golden hair–”

A couple security guards took Julian by the arms.

“The finest carpet–!”

And he was thrown from the building.

It was there that Julian’s business ended. His ruddy brown beard couldn’t compare to the magnificent Ben’s. Julian was selling dirt and calling it gold. But only Ben’s beard was gold. Julian found a bonanza. He just needed a way to mine it without its owner knowing.



Today’s three random prompt categories were, “A beard on loan,” “Expensive carpet,” and, “Triple threat.”

People ask me for my beard all the time. And I say, no! It’s mine.

– H.


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