Day 17: Brain Freeze

Some people put rum or Bailey’s or whatever in their ice cream. I put roofies in mine.

Yes, mine. I’m not the kind of guy to slip something like that into my date’s ice cream. Not unless she asked me to, anyhow.

Why would someone want me to roofie their ice cream, you ask? Because it’s the greatest fucking experience you’ll ever have, man. Think about LSD or shrooms or oxy or anything like that. Feels pretty good, right? Doesn’t hold a goddamn dime compared to a roofie ice cream.

I don’t know what it is, but it’s an otherworldly experience. It’s like the drug and the brain freeze combine to take you far, far away. I’ve gone to magical chocolate factories and Santa’s workshop and winter wonderlands and gingerbread houses and all sorts of wacky shit. I don’t know how I keep managing to get more ice cream to my mouth while I’m over the moon like that, but I do, and every bite or lick is like goddamned ambrosia.

Only issue is, you lose track of your body after the ice cream is gone. The aftereffects of the roofie brain freeze leave your mind in space and the rest of you trying to catch up. When you finally come to you could be anywhere. But that’s half the fun of it. You don’t usually remember much, if anything, but it keeps life interesting.

Sometimes I lock myself inside so I don’t go causing any trouble. It’s like being a werewolf during a full moon or some shit. Fucking wild. I’ll wake up and the place’ll be trashed and I’ll know I had a good time. Even if my head feels like a block of crumbling ice. Sometimes I set up a camera feed to see what I’m up to, but it can be hard to watch. Ruins the magic and the mystery of it, you know?

But I have to keep upping the dose or the buzz won’t quite stack up every time. And today’s my birthday, so it’s gotta be something special. I got myself this big ol’ tub of cookies n cream, and twice my last roofie hit. It’s gonna be a crazy night, man. Watch out.



In Memory of Jason Schwimmer


Passed away Saturday, January 2, 2016, at the age of 20.

Beloved son and brother. Lover of ice cream and transcendent experiences. His life was just getting started.



Today’s prompts were: “A transcendent ice cream experience,” “A roofie,” and “An obituary.”

Ran out of time before I could write much of the obituary. Not that I have much experience writing obituaries. But I feel like, after reading Daytripper, I could probably wing it. If I had the time.

– H.

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